great media experience by Mom in the Mirror

In this day and age of internet parent controls and no-TV households, I'm so pleased to see a positive example of a parent who embraced our culture for the benefits it can offer! File this under D for Don't Censor your Children!

MomintheMirror: "I really resisted when Colter wanted a Game Boy and then a GameCube, but now I'm so glad we allowed him both (paid for with his own money). He got a Game Boy when he was 5 and the GameCube when he was 6. They've stoked his imagination and, perhaps more importantly, his desire to collaborate. He sometimes plays them alone, but more often he plays them with friends, and most often he plays them with Gary (who was given his own Game Boy system as a gift from Colter, so that they could link up and share Pokemon).
Colter reads very detailed guide books so that he can proceed to the next level in various games, and he is so satisfied as his abilities grow. I realize they're not what most people would consider educational, and yet Colter has developed some really important social, emotional, and creative skills from this type of play. Plus, they've been a great way for he and Gary to bond. "

our first family trauma

Some things seem too difficult to blog. Last night, as I closed the day with a few hours of research (see below), I thought about blogging the day's events and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Maybe people who have tons of kids and have been through many kid-traumas would laugh at my emotions, but if they do, I'm sorry time and experience have hardened them to the point that a crying child doesn't break their heart.

Enough of the drama. What happened?

Aidan fell at school. He wasn't doing anything daring or crazy, just either walking by the stairs or down the stairs (it's difficult to interpret the story from him and nobody saw it) and tripped. He seems to have taken the full blow of the fall on his upper lip, and his teeth. All of his top teeth. From K-9 to K-9. Half the teeth were pushed back to about a 45 degree angle, and the other half were pushed up by about 10 to 20 percent of the crown, from what I can tell. He bled _a lot_, but remarkably, there was no cut in the lip itself, just severe tissue trauma.

I was most of my way through the grocery store with an overflowing cart when his pre-school called. When they call me, they're always careful to immediately say, "Mrs. Feighery, this is so and so. Nothing is wrong, there is no emergency, I'm just calling to discuss [insert bland issue like party planning here]." Not this time. They said is this Annie Feighery, and this is so and so calling regarding your son so I knew something was wrong so I just said yes impatiently over and over until the woman got on with it. They explained the injury and asked if they could begin giving him Tylenol for the pain and I said no, just give him ice. I think this took them back, most parents would just want to stop any pain right? I didn't even know if tylenol was a better course of pain reliever than ibuprofen yet. Maybe I want to focus on relieving swelling? Mostly, I wanted to examine his symptoms exactly as they were myself, rather than not knowing how bad it had initially been. Also, I read in one of my books recently that in the event of traumatic injury, it's best not to treat it if the child can stand it until the doctor examines the child.

I know this is strange, but my biggest immediate decision was whether to check out or leave my cart. By then, John was on the phone b/c his number is also on the emergency call list and he was saying just leave (remember that John is in California on training right now). My dad was with me and he pointed out that there weren't any lines. So he checked out and I went for the car and once I got Ellie in and drove up front, he was out waiting for me.

The triviality of Whole Foods behind me, I had to decide what to do with Aidan right away. I called my pediatrician's office and had him paged. He called me right back within like one minute. Let's just say this here because it bears repeating. I love Dr. Hubert Ho. He's a fantastic physician. If you live in Houston, and you have medical values that fall somewhere between trusting western medicine for its emergency response, but trusting the body and homoeopathy for prevention and maintenance, he's your guy. Anyway, en route from Whole Foods to the school, I discussed Aidan's apparent condition with him. My first questions were hectic and wild, like "should I take him to Texan's Children's ER or to a pediadontist?" (I don't have one, not even a dentist for John or me) Then I thought better of my questioning after a second and said, "Do I need to take him anywhere at all?" And Doctor Ho said no.

That was a beautiful moment for me. I was able to set aside the anxious response to what I'd heard over the phone, which included "you probably want to come get him and take him to a doctor or dentist right away" and begin to evaluate the situation before responding. Dr. Ho said whatever damage to the teeth, including damage to the roots or permanent teeth underneath, that could be, is already there. He said the teeth that are pushed back (at that point I didn't, nor did anyone else, realize any were pushed up) will either fall out or solidify in their sockets, and little could affect that.

I asked him about worst case scenarios and he said maybe one of the teeth is against a nerve and could require a root canal, but we'll know that in the next days, there was no advantage in having the asap x-ray to determine that. I asked him if I should expect a great deal of pain, if I should preempt the pain with tylenol. He said when it comes to injuries, young children often tolerate them with very little pain, especially compared to what an adult in a similar situation would feel. He said to watch Aidan for signs he was in pain, but until then, just give him ice and soft foods.

He did mention that since Aidan is three now, it's time to get him a dental check-up anyway, so I should take him to a dentist soon.

By the time I was at Aidan's school, I was off the phone with Dr. Ho and feeling much more calm. Aidan was sitting on his teacher's lap sucking on ice. They'd hidden his overshirt from my sight so I didn't see all the blood, but his undershirt and pants still had some blood on them and his mouth was still bleeding quite a bit. Thankfully, blood doesn't bother me like it does a lot of people I know. I didn't even look at his mouth. I just hugged him and listened to the director and teacher, then left. I just wanted to get him home and soothe him. At home I made him some chamomile tea, massaged his little body quickly with essential oil lotion, and put him to bed to sleep next to his papa. By the time he woke up the swelling had seriously set in, and my little boy's face was difficult to recognize. His top lip is about three times its normal width, and the swelling in his lower nose bridge pushes his nostrils up a little so it looks like his nose curls at the tip a bit. His eyes were sunken a little, with dark circles under them. And of course, once he opens his mouth, his once-perfect teeth look just awful.

Meanwhile in California... John was feeling terrible being so far away. Our close little family is firmly based on attachment parenting values, in a way, we are borg. We feel and experience everything together, only John wasn't with us to feel and experience everything. He felt like his boy really needed him and a silly training was hardly worth not being there for his son. I didn't know what to tell him. Because my dad was here visiting, in truth I had taking care of the kids covered. But I knew exactly what John was going through. I called his parents to weigh in on the subject, who felt like there will be lots of traumas in the kids' lives and if John wants to be the kind of dad who goes to space, then he needs to stay in California. In the end, their advice we ended up taking was to give it a day to see how everyone fared.

After his nap I was gently probing everything, seeing just how loose everything was. That's when I realized the damage was to all the front teeth, not just the ones that were pushed back. While he was asleep I'd read up on tooth damage in four separate books, and felt pretty confident about my decision to not rush him to the dentist. But this further damage really made me question myself. What if he loses every top front tooth? It will be four three, maybe four years before he has teeth again! It wasn't just that. At this point I was about five or six hours after the accident, and my tough guy, supermom routine was really falling apart. I hated that this horrible thing happened to my boy. And where was my husband to just hug me and tell me it will all be ok! I buried myself into online research until I was satisfied that we really were on the best track, somewhere around midnight.

I still felt like my heart was breaking into pieces. I no longer felt secure about any decision I'd made from having Aidan in preschool to buying him new shoes a few days ago (that were small replicas of dad's new Sketchers) that probably contributed to the fall. I finally took his clothes out of the plastic garbage bag to soak the blood out and that was amazingly emotional. Looking at all that blood, I just felt terrible for my little boy, that this happened to him, that my arms hadn't been there to catch him. And I felt very alone, with no one who understood my doubts or pains.

I curled up in bed with Aidan and fell asleep cuddling with him.

This morning his teeth were a little more secure in their sockets, and the pushed back teeth were even a little forward, up to only 15 or so degrees off. I'm not sure they'll improve more than this, but at least maybe they'll stay in? The lodged up ones are the teeth that really scare me. They could take two to four months to drop, or else they'll gray and die, or cause a pulp infection and require dental extraction. I'm watching for abscesses, but his lip is far more swollen than the gums. We're in the giant hunt for soft foods Aidan likes. I've also got a good list of foods from my books that promote dental healing. Sea vegetables and calcium foods are best. He loves kale in tofu, thankfully! Also blueberries, which I mixed into a smoothie with yogurt and papaya to boost his immune.

We still don't know about John's training. His boss said he could come home either for the weekend or for good, it's up to him. That's great news for me, but waiting until tomorrow to see him will be hard. Aidan still hasn't required a pain reliever at all. I've done my best to soothe him with lavender baths and teas. He's such a trooper. Everyone keeps saying he's taking it like a champ.

Whew! What a long post this is. I'm sorry, but writing it all down has been extremely cathartic. Like writing the birth stories. I'm glad I got it all down, I'll keep you posted with updates.

more on teeth

Medicdirect - Comprehensive UK Health Information: "Milk Teeth (Deciduous or Primary Teeth)
The bones of very young children are quite soft and 'plastic'. If a child falls on to a baby tooth then, instead of breaking the tooth itself, it is often just moved in the bone and loosened. Occasionally it may be pushed up into the gum like the 2-year-old child shown in this photograph (figure 1).

Usually, no treatment is required but is a sensible idea to take your child to the dentist so that your child's mouth can be checked. "



This is the link to emedicine's take on tooth injury. These guys are always thick in jargon, but very thorough.

Similarly thick with jargon, this is a dentist to dentist paper on treatment options for tooth injury. Ended up being exactly what I was seeking. The page is out of the UK, published in 1999.

"The proximity of the root of the primary
incisor to the crown of its permanent
successor means that, when a primary tooth
is injured, there is significant potential for
damage to the permanent successor. In
many cases damage to the permanent tooth
takes place at the time of injury and the ability
to limit damage by some form of intervention
is minor."

research notes on tooth trauma, or in our case, teeth trauma...

Pediatric Oncall- Dental injuries and trauma: Any injury to the child’s primary tooth has the potential to damage the developing permanent one, especially if the damage occurs before age 3. This is why it is important to report any such injury promptly to the child’s dentist.
The permanent top central incisors begin mineralization at birth, and takes about 3 years to completely form .If during this critical time the root of a primary tooth is pushed into the crown of the developing permanent, a defect may develop in the permanent tooth.

Don’t be surprised then, if the pediatric dentist recommends removing the primary tooth following an injury to an infant’s tooth. If removal may help prevent infection or injury to the developing permanent tooth, the dentist is likely to advise this treatment- even if it makes the parents feel guilty and unhappy.

Loss of a top front tooth in a child under 3 generally does not affect speech, growth patterns, or psychological development. Children are generally not tooth conscious until 5 or 6 years of age. And by that time all their friends are losing their front teeth anyway.

car seats

As one might gleam from reading my notes on car seat research, we're in the market. Ellie's outgrowing her little infant carrier seat, and while I agree with most research that says not to turn them around until their height mandates it, I am ready to move her into a rear facing/front facing convertible seat. These seats offer more support, and actually fit in smaller cars more correctly (counterintuitive, I know, because they're actually bigger).

Car seats seem to evolve quickly these days since parents control such a huge amount of capitol, and safety sells. I'm not complaining, though. I skimped a little on safety regarding the size of my car for the sake of our sustainable values, so I feel like I'm making up for that just a bit when I look into the safest car seats. Aidan's RF/FF convertible that he is now outgrowing (you can tell b/c his shoulders are at the same height as the highest strap outlet) is already outdated two years after we bought it. So we're in a position to buy two new car seats at a whopping cost of $320.

Two new trends have emerged in car seat safety that threaten to outdate any seat I buy. One is the protective wings concept, where the sides come further up to protect from debris from a crunched car hitting the baby's head. This also gives the baby more of a ledge to lean his or her head against while sleeping. The other trend is making the part of the car seat that surrounds the head out of the plastic material long used for bike helmets. I guess you could call it a third trend, but it's just a fact that wasn't publicized enough until recently, but these days parents are told to turn the baby to front facing when their legs can no longer fit rear facing, or when they exceed 30 pounds. The idea behind that is that only 5% of all crashes are from the rear, so the vast majority of crashes produce forward momentum, which is best handled by the backbone, the strongest part of the body. It used to be widely said, and still is by those who don't research, to turn your baby around at one year and 20 pounds. Turns out this is just the legal minimum, not the gold standard for safety.

After all I looked into, the Brittax Roundabout appears to be the RF/FF convertible with the best mix of upmost safety and adequately small for my little VW back seat. For Aidan, I will probably move him up to the Cosco Summit High Back Booster.

One more link to share. If you, like me, are ready to drop too much cash on car seats, here's a good my simon-esque cost compare sight for kid stuff.

oops!

The good news is I'm the top hit for a google search on Japaname. The bad news is I'm the top hit because that's not how you spell it. Japanime is the correct spelling! Oops!

another leap for Ellie

My baby girl has progressed from the famous knocking down blocks stage to stacking them!

pictures from the birthday parties!

Here is the link to see a short album of Aidan's birthday pictures.

Here is the link for Eleanor's.

crossing fingers... (a repeat from the same river twice)

we're sitting at home watching NASA Select, hoping for a safe landing for Mars' newest visitor, the rover named Opportunity.

Moments ago, the little robot separated from its mama ship, on which it had traveled from Earth to Martian orbit. After separation, the two decend together toward the surface of Mars. But because the mothership isn't protected by a heatshield, much less equipped with airbags for landing, it will soon meet a firey end while the little rover Opportunity will continue on to what we all hope is a bright future of exploration and discovery.

Isn't that the perfect analogy for the very nature of parenting? This mama ship traveled a hundred million miles just to give its baby that final nudge into history. Aside from the discriptor "cruise stage," the mama ship didn't even have a name. And that's how progress works. If we do nothing else to help our spieces, we're working to help our babies help the species.

God speed, Opportunity!

notes on car seat research

Here is a basic overview of car seats by the American Academy of Pediatrics. They don't rate qualitatively, just the facts.

This NHTSA site has a little more information regarding the transitions from rear facing to car seat to booster. On this page they rate specific brands according to, albeit limited, specs. Practically everyone in forward facings got As for securing the child. Sure sign that the test is dumbed down => corporate stakeholders designed specs. Notably, the pure boosters performed poorly in securing the child, as did many combos.

This Canadian gov site is a little more clear on advice for the rear facing-forward facing car seat/booster transitions.

This site lists car seat recalls.

car seat safety forum at car-seat.org

Best site I've seen all day! Compares seat compatablility with car makes and models with certified car seat technicians checking for safety. They also have this page, which includes a buying guide. For example, don't buy the Century Smart Move if you have a smallish back seat. It rotates backward in a crash. But that's a nice feature if you drive a giganto-mobile.

Here's the most recent Consumer Reports article on car seats.

Ellie's first three-syllable word!

I'm so proud of my baby girl! This morning she said "anana" when John handed her a banana. It's her first three-syllable word! Incidentally, banana was Aidan's as well, only it took him months to discover the first syllable "ba." He said "nana" instead. Eleanor did the same with bagel since she was five months old. She'd say "BA!" for bagel, I don't think she's said that one right yet. Her first clear two-syllable word was Aidan (after the necessary mama and dada).

Isn't it silly to count the syllables she's capable of saying? It's the only way I have left to measure her verbal accomplishments, though! Between Aidan and Ellie's first year I read Elise Eliot's What's Going on in There: How the Brain and Mind Develop in the First Five Years of Life, and my approach to language therefore was vastly different for the two of them. Poor Aidan, he's always the guinea pig!

Eliot's chapter on verbal development is a pleasure to read because it's so amazingly informative and full of easily applicable advice. She explains that as soon as birth your child is trying to communicate with you. We parents are admonished by family or friends attempting wit to not think every noise and gesture is a big accomplishment, but for infants, it truly is. Eliot says their tiny brains are like little scientists conducting experiment after experiment. They do something, and if it works, they do it again and again. They smile and if you give them a smile back, they'll smile more. Therefore, mirroring your infants every attempt at communication from each little babble to every flailing gesture is fantastic for their development.

In doing this with Ellie I found, as Eliot said I would, a clear early pattern to her babbles. By the time she was four months old I was able to discern her babbles for Aidan from toy and from "nanas," or want to nurse. I don't think this necessarily accelerated her verbal development in annunciation terms, but it clearly gave her a sense of confidence in communicating and that positive reaction to the brain's little experiments should encourage her to love learning new developments in many other ways.

This is where the real excitement begins. Language really takes off between 12 and 18 months, when Ellie will strive to get to that magic 50 mark. For whatever reason, that's the average number of words a child knows when he or she hits an amazing explosion. Again, Elise Eliot:
"Most toddlers' vocabulary explodes once they can say about four dozen words. Now they start adding one, two, or three new words every day, and their receptive vocabulary--the number of words a child understands--grows even more quickly. Between two and six, children are estimated to learn the meaning of a staggering eight words a day. That comes out to more than one new word every two hours they're awake, and they continue at this rate into elementary school years. By the time a child is six, it's been estimated that he understands some 13,000 words, although he doesn't speak nearly that many."

So here's Ellie's vocabulary as best as I can interpret so far:
mama, dada, aidan, bagel, cat, papa, nana/baba (grandma), car, look, nanas (which means nurse), uh-oh, bye-bye, hi, more, *and today's exciting addition!* banana

aspiring to breastfeed forever!

Renee over at Like a Baby along with Lisa at Coley's Blog both speak of recently weaning their wee ones. Renee's Chloe is 13 months old and Lisa weaned Coleen at 6 months. I for one aspire to breastfeed my Ellie _forever_.

Please know that I won't be one of those nursing my seven year old moms, this is all in jest. My primary motivation for nursing forever is that I love the size of my breasts. Like Samantha on Sex and the City said after breast cancer threatened her beauties (sorry to be the spoiler if you've fallen behind in episodes this season), "they're pretty fabulous!" Typically, when I lose weight, my face thins a lot between the size 11 and 9 markers. Then, when nearing that coveted size 7, I lose the breasts. But not now! I'm nearing my goal and I'm still a ample C cup, and not that cheating nearly C you see on ads, either!

After I wean, I'll go back to my natural B cup, or maybe I'll claim a nearly C just so I can have a bra that says C, but the breasts after weaning just feel so empty! It's like devoid of their prior mana, they're just a little sad.

Every baby has their little dips in interest in the big nunie at several points in the first few years. When they take a developmental leap, these dips tend to show up, but they're also famous for appearing at 9 and 12 months. I think it was around 16 months that Aidan's interest in nursing was waning and I was preparing a trip out of town (to DC for the protests, when we conceived our beautiful Ella!) sans Aidan. So I stopped offering the breast to him, and he was such a busy toddler by then that he didn't think to request it so often. It was a pretty gentle transition. The worst of it was the first time he got a cold after I weaned him, and I didn't have that breast to make everything instantly better. I also missed that close reconnect that can be so illusive with a toddler, especially with a toddler boy.

My friend Alina is pregnant with her second child and therefore is trying to wean her first. He's about 14 months old, but his interest in the breast is still pretty strong. I told her I'd read in several sources (I'll find them to link later) that breast milk changes taste around the sixth month, thus encouraging the older baby to wean him/herself in time for the critical growth period of the third trimester, the only time that a pregnant mom's body might not want to divert energy to the nursing baby. After Alina goes through it, I'll check back with her for her experience of the whole affair.

Interesting, though, if she doesn't wean during her pregnancy, or if her son has a relapse when he sees his new sibling nursing, I've been reading in Dr. Sears' the Successful Child, that nursing together is a fantastic way to promote bonding between two young siblings that are otherwise too developmentally young to understand your other encouragements to bond. If nature can accommodate nursing twins, I'm quite certain nature can accommodate nursing a toddler and infant as well.

Up until a month ago, I literally felt like nursing Ella forever. I felt so instinctive about how much she needed me. But lately, that feeling is a little less intense. I think it's a natural effect of her growing up. When you parent by instinct, it's such a paint by numbers feeling. You see the picture emerge as you respond to your body and your baby. The truth is I have no idea how long I'll nurse my baby girl. I'm just feeling my way along. I'll go as long as is mutually needed. Up until this month I thought that would for sure be until she's at least two. These days, though, she has me wondering!

we should all be homeschoolers, and send our kids to school

Help is at Hand Home : Weblogs : Learning Blog : 2003 : Parents support gives children the best start: "'Young children whose parents understand how to help their children's education do better at school. They can speak and count better than those whose parents don't. Simple things, like regularly reading to babies, make the world of difference.

'The role of parents can be more important than that of the teacher. We would not be carrying out our public duties properly, if we were to ignore the clear evidence that good parenting is vital to improving children's life chances."

adopt a young parent!

What a great idea! At this website you can sign up to "adopt" a young parent. You write or call with advice or encouragement, send occasional care packages, etc.

seaweed musings...

Earlier this year I found an entirely different benefit to seaweed. I began meditating on it in response to people or situations that made me feel crazed. Some people were coming into my life like a tornado with their patronizing or agist comments, their guilt trips, or just their multitude of dramas, and I was getting caught up in it every time! So I developed a visual on which I would meditate when their voices or words caused that nervous feeling deep in my chest.

I imagined myself as seaweed rooted securely in the ocean floor, swaying in the gentle movements of the ocean deep. Every now and then, a giant wave passes over me, and it may even be strong enough to muddy my ocean deep waters, but I am rooted, so those waves can roll on by, causing nothing more than a little sway in my beautiful, graceful tendrils.

Anyway, Lisa's found a somewhat more applied use for this generous autotroph in recuperation from her c-section.

cadence90: "Seaweed.
That's what I've got packing my incision at the moment. Unfortunately for me, my incision came partially open, and since it wouldn't heal that way, I had to have it opened and cleaned.
And then I had it packed with seaweed, what with a little gauze on top.
It's a good thing I am a nerd and can be amused by stuff like alginate wound dressings, which use the medicinal and antiseptic properties of seaweed to help people heal. Otherwise this would not be funny at all!"

the nobel prize for cleaning

like it or not, this post goes on this blog since parenting draws a domestic crowd.

If there was a Nobel Prize for cleaning, this week it would be mine. I've discovered the secret to cleaning porcelain bath tups: liquid dishwasher soap! My mom taught me long ago that this was the trick for cleaning stains out of white kitchen sinks, and since we bought this old house nearly four years ago I haven't quite known how to clean up the claw-foot tup. Finally, I put the two together. It's so pretty and white!

And, by utter fluke, I actually had the honor of being the first bather in the tub after I cleaned it! That's a real rarity when a family of four shares one bathroom.

what a difference a day makes

This morning I woke up and I had a one year old and a three year old! Suddenly I'm the mother of a toddler and a boy, after being the mother of a baby and a toddler for so long! I know it's only semantics, but I get caught up in these identities. My little baby girl isn't little or a baby anymore. These past few weeks she's gone through quite a growth spurt, so literally, she isn't that little anymore!

I can't believe she's only been here for a year. It feels like she's always been a part of our lives. In an abstract way, I think she has, but when I recall memories from two or three years ago, my mind actually inserts Ellie into my arms, or instead I think what did I do with Ellie when I did that? And then I have to remember she wasn't born yet!

Her birthday means it's almost been a year since the Columbia accident, and I can't believe it's been a year since that either. The strain of recovering was more difficult than I could have imagined, but we made it! Things will never be the same, and they shouldn't be, but in so many ways, these things have changed for the better. I feel like NASA, John, and our family are stronger and have a clearer vision of where we want to go. Part of me will always feel a little twinge of pain when I recall that John never had a real paternity leave with his baby girl, he missed so many of her days. But his love was always there. I think when she's old enough to explain it to, she will be happy that her dad chose to help save the Space Station at the expense of extra special time with her. Having said that, it's been a year, and the emergency procedures are over. It's time for all of us to get back to focusing on the family alongside career pursuits. She needs her daddy home.

I don't think nature watches the calendar, but it does seem that my body and hers both feel the change. I feel my instincts pulling away from her, and I see her setting up her own little identity separate from me. I don't rush to her to aide every little unhappiness anymore. I don't even nurse her as often. It's the first stages of her becoming a child rather than my baby. Eventually, she'll be self sufficient, just as her brother is now. She'll go to the bathroom on her own, eat on her own, sleep on her own. This is how it begins. A month ago that thought would have made me very sad. But now I feel such a peace with it. It's what she needs, and it's time.

tardy reflections on the occasion of my son's third birthday

How did I get two days past his birthday, without having a moment to reflect? Well, for starters I drank two martinis on a holiday afternoon with my husband, which collectively sucked away much of yesterday. In addition, Aidan's at what I hope is the tail end of the week o'fever virus Ellie had last week. Poor guy was sick on his birthday! All he had said he wanted to do for his special day was go ride the train, but when the day arrived alongside a (albeit meek, we're in the south) cold front, I manipulated his little mind (yes, they're still malleable at three!) to not remember wanting that. It's not that I didn't think he should be outside. On the contrary, sunlight and light activity can do wonders for the immune system, but it was icky cold, and he didn't even want to go ride his scooter, so I saved him from the disappointment of remembering and not wanting the desired thing. Anyway, back on key, this virus requires much holding and cuddling, so I didn't get much writing time for me.

In a way, that in itself is an appropriate comment on this occasion which celebrates the three accomplished years of life outside the womb. For truly the biggest lesson I've learned on this bumpy (in the exciting way... almost always) road is to not be chinchy with the love, physical and emotional. Sometimes I've felt like I really needed a break where no one would touch me, but those times were usually brief, and afterward I filled myself up with baby love all over again. I feel like I know now why Jesus made love the cornerstone of his message to the world (of course, it makes me all the sadder to realize almost every religion resulting from his message misses this boat). The rule adicts of his day couldn't wait to ask such an amazing person which rule was his favorite, and all he said was love. Love each other, love God, love love love. On this occasion, which for me celebrates my existence in this world as a mother, I have to say having children taught me to love like I never thought my heart capable.

I've come to think pregnancies depart your body by giving you a personal gift. Drastically new experiences build fresh synapses in your brain, so maybe on a biological level, this wild new ride actually opens up a new part of your brain to you. Whatever it is, I found that each of my three pregnancies left something special for just me. The gift of Aidan's pregnancy was dancing. Never in my life had I felt comfortable dancing. I think it's the white girl syndrome. Never could let loose and swing around my body with abandon. I grew up country dancing, two stepping, because that had rules. You knew what you were supposed to do on each beat. And slow dancing was ok because you just hug and sway. But really dancing like at a disco never came to me until I had Aidan. And then, when he was just a few days old, I found myself holding him and dancing like a fool! I didn't care what I looked like anymore, I just loved the feeling of the music wrapping me up and carrying me around the room! The letting go for dancing is really symbolic for letting go in many ways. I've since found myself much happier with myself, regardless of how silly I might look dancing!

My sweet Grace, who died in my first trimester, left me creativity unleashed. After a lifetime of being a writer, I found myself really writing. And when Ella left my body, I found myself singing! Not just lullaby songs in the dark, but wailing loud singing through the house. I've since sung to the kids almost every day. I don't know many songs, so I make them up most of the time, and they love it!

Each gift not only made me a better mother, but left me a better person. It's just another way that Mother Nature, or the Universe, or God, or whoever you need to credit, really got this motherhood thing down right. Every part of the system works, if you can only let go and let it. It's so beautiful!

Back to Aidan, he's such a work of art. In just three years, he's already a pro at being an Earthling. He's fluent in our culture, adept at using his body, gravity is no challenge for this guy. Our culture can fool me into believing me he really needs me until he's 18, but I can tell he's pretty much OK on his independent little own (as long as I'm within easy distance to run back and hug between accomplishments!) already. I've always thought, and recently was pleased to hear someone else say it independently, that Aidan (originally John, but now his boy) looked like Michaelangelo's David. He's the perfect model human. Thin and tall, while sculpted and muscular. Slightly wavy hair that frames a fine bone visage. Penetrating eyes that follow gracefully the movement of each delicate, long finger. He's naturally amiable, if a little competitive (my fault). He loves to cuddle with anyone he can catch (and he's so fast that that's pretty much everyone). He's the ultimate little man.

Like every mom, I'm so humbled at this perfection and beauty with which I've been entrusted. I can't believe the wonderful creation God put in my womb to develop into this amazing creature. If I do nothing else in life, at least my children leave me with hope that I've done something to make this little planet a better place to live. Their purity encourages me at my darkest moment that life is intrinsically good, and that that good will somehow outweigh all the bad. The laugh of my little boy, the smile of my darling girl could inspire enemies to stop fighting, even to beat their weapons into plowshares so each little boy and darling girl can live without hunger... And btw, this only sounds silly if you've never held a new baby in your arms and gazed deep into their eyes, so new, so freshly arrived from that spiritual side of existence. If only we open ourselves up to them, babies can change everything.

I guess in conclusion, I have to thank God for Aidan's spirit, my husband for his great sperm and loving fatherhood, and Aidan for being so fun. I have a great son. I'm so proud of him. And I love being his mom. I rarely feel sad that he's growing up so fast, because I'm so very excited about what development he'll tackle next! These three years have been wonderful beyond my wildest hopes. I wonder what his forth year has in store for us!

Bush admin takes a page from Big tobacco playbook

Does anyone remember the "no direct evidence of bodily harm" memo congress used to fry tobacco?

Today's Observer shines the light on the Bush admin's tactics in support of what's coming to be called Big Sugar. Allow me to highlight:
"'Obesity rates have risen so that now one in three Americans bears the burden of the very high health risks associated with this condition, with the poorest and most vulnerable worst affected,' he says. 'Obesity rates among American children have risen by 50 per cent.'

Norum is the most senior scientist involved in an attempt to formulate a worldwide policy to fight heart disease and diabetes resulting from a junk food diet. An estimated 60 per cent of disease worldwide is now due to cardiovascular illness, which causes 47 per cent of deaths.

The letter from Norum will put Bush under intense pressure at home to show that he is serious about tackling the epidemic. More than half of all Americans are overweight, and in some states, including Bush's Texas, nearly one-third of the population is classified obese.

The President insists fighting fat is a matter for the individual, not the state. But today The Observer reveals how he and fellow senators have received hundreds of thousands of dollars in funding from 'Big Sugar'. One of his main fundraisers is sugar baron Jose 'Pepe' Fanjul, head of Florida Crystals, who has raised at least $100,000 for November's presidential re-election campaign.

Norum's letter is an angry response to the Americans' decision to submit a 30-page report, criticising the WHO strategy for its lack of sound scientific evidence. It will be discussed at a key meeting of its executive board in Geneva on Tuesday.

The Bush administration, which receives millions in funding from the sugar industry, argues there is little robust evidence to show that drinking sugary drinks or eating too much sugar is a direct cause of obesity. It particularly opposes a recommendation that just 10 per cent of people's energy intake should come from added sugar. The US has a 25 per cent guideline."

a budding idea

maybe a good way to use the kids' close birthdays is to get them both a larger, slightly more costly gift together. Sort of an infrastructure-building opportunity. Of course you have to know why I'm thinking this. I could build a climbing wall in their room and make it their collective birthday present! I've spent the last little bit online looking into it, and it wouldn't be that expensive. Depending on which brand I pick, and the number of handholds I want, REI offers some nice packages. One wall of the kids' room is drywall-covered shiplap, so it would be easy to anchor them. I could do it in the corner, and include this cute climbing bar from Ikea that might be more appropriate for Ellie's skill level these days. Ikea even offers cute kiddie crash pads for the floor. I wonder if this air-filled one is safer than this foam filled mat?

sharing my research on Houston gymnastics programs for children

I only looked for programs inside or nearly inside the loop, and I didn't look into commercial ops like gymboree (actually, I did look into gymboree, but their website was so bad, I clicked away in disgust). But I thought after researching online and making the calls, I'd put it up here in an effort of saving someone else the trouble. Here are my notes:

Houston Gymnastics Club
Membership family: 648/year +100 joining fee
Membership children: $192/year/child
Classes for children: gymnastics run about $10/hour
17 classes in a session
winter/spring session is 165
Call or drop-in
5601 South Braeswood between Chimney Rock and Hillcroft


Houston gymnastics academy
Head coach there was chosen to lead US Olympic team
Classes average out to $12/week with one class each week
713 668 6001
they have parents night out on Saturdays from 6-11
located just outside 610 at 59
called, and found out until 3.5, he can only do morning classes with a parent, no solo and no afternoon


USA Gymnastics Clubs listed by state

Aidan on the rock!

Since Aidan was barely mobile at around four months we could tell he was a natural climber. Before he could walk, he could climb. Literally. Before he was a year old, he'd climbed out of his crib twice and the playard on a regular basis. We finally gave up caging him and got him a bed with a ladder and slide to climb on when he was 18 months old. He loved it.

Since we made that declaration of his climbing abilities so long ago, John and I have anxiously awaited the opportunity to get him in the rock gym. Yesterday, that day came! I took Aidan to Texas Rock Gym, where I myself hadn't been since getting pregnant with him. He had a ball! I was so proud of him. Of course, everyone in the gym was immediately taken by the adorable little climber.

To be honest, I think I could have started a little earlier. For the past year and a half or so, we've been grooming his climbing abilities. When we go to Tinsley Park (or whatever you call Memorial Park when it gets near downtown, between Allen and Memorial), he always practices descending on the terraces. It's a great safe place to get a child comfortable with going down backwards on their belly, since their instinct is to go down on their bottoms. Everytime we went hiking this past year, John would take a little boldering foray with Aidan. We've taught him about keeping three of your four limbs on the rock and reaching around with the forth. He's great at crossovers and lunging for handholds. He has no fear.

They had a great little harness that fit him well. Like standard adult harnesses, it went around the legs, but it also went around each shoulder, and the 'beaner looped in where those two pairs of loops met. They taught him the lingo and he was adorable with his little "on belay, mama!" and "dirt me, mama!"

As with everything regarding Aidan these days, the only trick was to inspire his little process-oriented mind to work in the goal-oriented atmosphere. He saw no importance in getting to the top bar, he just liked climbing up a bit and rappelling down (he didn't get the whole put your feet in front of you bit, he just bumped his body against the rock all the way down each time!). The highest he climbed the whole time was about fifteen feet, and that was when a climber that worked there freeclimbed up in a tickle race to try to inspire him to go higher.

He's been a little lost with John gone. When anything goes wrong he bursts into tears and cries "Daddy, don't go!" I thought some one on one time with him would help. He had a great time climbing, but he asked if we could bring our sister Ellie now. I think it's a tribute to attachment parenting that he doesn't even crave time without his sister, but it leaves me wondering what to do to make him feel super extra special. Even though he missed his sister, he had a great time climbing. He can't wait to go back!

makes me glad I had my kids before anyone in my family goes blasting off...

Houston Family - HOUSTON - Parenthood.com - Houston Moms in High-Profile Jobs Balance Work and Family Issues Daily: "Being away from home is the hardest part, says Nowak, who has been an astronaut for seven years and a naval officer for 18. Travel is an essential part of her profession, and Nowak says she has made quite a few trips to Russia, Canada and Japan -- some trips lasting several weeks.

We go to these places to work with our international partners on space station issues, see the hardware they're building and participate in training, Nowak says. We also do a lot of domestic travel.

To make things a little more complicated, Nowak's husband, Richard, is a flight controller in Mission Control for the International Space Station. During one of her technical job assignments, which lasted three years, Nowak also worked in Mission Control as a CAPCOM, which once stood for Capsule Communicator an astronaut who talks directly with the crew orbiting in space in real time.

We both had to work three- to seven-day shifts with unusual hours evenings and overnight -- and had to make sure we never got assigned at the same time so that someone was home
with the kids, Nowak says."

early proof of moral leaning?

Here in Houston, spring has sprung. It's the most lovely time of year here, the spring. I always tell people to spend their falls in New Mexico and springs near the ocean (for me, that's Houston, but I bet Florida or Mexico's gulf coast is even better). Lots of puffy ocean clouds, afternoon thunderstorms, but best of all, balmy warm 70s, sometimes 80s every day. Since this is my first chance in a long, long time to wear scanty springish/summer clothes (since I've got my girlish figure back from the dark reaches of pregnant body land), I've been celebrating the sprung spring with tight little spaghetti strapped tops. I like to layer one over the other and wear it with my pilates pants (basically, yoga pants). When I put one of these tops on the other day, Aidan said, Mom! You're not wearing a shirt! And again yesterday as I took him to school, Aidan said it.

The thing is, he sees me without a shirt on all the time. I'm a huge believer in Margaret Mead's message that sexual angst comes from our society's shame we impart on our children. I'm not about to give my son a sense of bodily self-doubt. I've read in Dr. Sears that lots of children have their own naturally occurring sensitive about their body stages, and if he does this, I'll be happy to follow his lead. Until then, nudity reigns in our home! Well, it's not like we walk around naked all the time.

Largely because I still sleep with Ellie and she nurses at night, but partly because I've always enjoyed it, I don't sleep with a shirt on. Aidan will come tumble around in bed with us when he wakes up and that's never odd. Aidan likes to come splash his hands in my bath water when I take a long bath, and he's never said anything about nudity then, either. Our house is so tiny that there really is no such thing as a sense of privacy, and to be honest, I like that (my cousin Shannon once said the boys in Colorado wouldn't have been able to conceal their bomb-making from their parents if they hadn't lived in giant suburb houses) a lot. My bedroom is on the circuit, and often Aidan and Ellie blow through making rounds while I'm getting dressed. Again, no Mom! no shirt! comments.

My mom thinks this may be an early sign that Aidan could be a conservative. I know she's joking, so please read this with snickers. She says Aidan's expressing his early feelings of the rightful amount of cloth that should be over a woman's body. Let's hope not. A friend of ours said she would have to start pretending to be a conservative around her daughter so that when her daughter needed to rebel from her mom's values she wouldn't turn conservative herself! I've given this more than a little thought...

Guardian Unlimited | The Guardian | Can popping fish-oil pills stop this tantrum?

Guardian Unlimited | The Guardian | Can popping fish-oil pills stop this tantrum?: "Researchers who have studied the effects of fish oils say they are most likely to have an impact on children whose difficulties are at least in part due to disorders such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), dyslexia, autism and dyspraxia (dyspraxics often have difficulty carrying out complex, sequenced activities or may be mildly clumsy). There is some scientific evidence that an imbalance of certain fatty acids, which happen to be found largely in fish oils, may contribute to many of these. Further studies have found that dyslexia and the inattentiveness and impulsiveness associated with ADHD can be improved by fish-oil supplements. A study into the effect of fish-oil supplements on more than 100 dyspraxic children in Durham is nearing completion.
There are some tell-tale signs that can indicate an imbalance of Omega-3 fatty acids in the diet. Allergy-related conditions such as eczema, asthma and hayfever are more common, as are poor concentration, depression, excessive mood swings and undue anxiety. Others with imbalances can experience difficulty getting to sleep at night and visual disturbances when reading, such as words and letters moving around. "

Gina B's thoughts on the occasion of her daughter's first birthday...

Mom-Blog: "As my girlfriend said, 'We made it!' Yes, we survived our daughter's first year. It was a year filled with fear and tinged with disappointment, but more than that, it was also a year full of magic and firsts. You know, in the Bible, it talks about Mary 'holding all these things in her heart' about stuff that happened to her boy. I know EXACTLY what they mean. Looking back, being a stay at home mom allowed me access to magical moments that no one else in the world will ever know. That's just between me and my little girl, even though I know she'll never appreciate it when I bring it up...until she has her own child. (Sorry Mom!)"

crying over peanut butter and jelly

I knew the day would come, the day that Aidan says the last cute toddler phrase correctly. Today, his peanut jelly and sandwich actually came out peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He still says elephanant and to the rescetue, but this was the last phrase. He'll be three next week. He's such a boy now. You should see how big he is! And so coordinated! He's already a pro on the scooter he got for Christmas. Tonight he put his arm around Ellie when we were outside and said he wanted to keep her warm (which she returned with a shove). My heart is breaking all over the place!

The beginning of two is a world different from the end of two. What a year. A year ago, he was amazing us with little complete sentences. He was clearly an amazing toddler, but still closer to a baby than to an adult. Now, he's clearly a boy, closer by far to adult than a baby in development terms. Tonight, he was talking to John's mom on the phone just like one of us would. He said, "oh hi, Nana... we ate tofu for dinner and now we're on a walk." Just like that, he's a fully functional, socially proficient member of our culture. He can talk on the phone, he can reflect. He's not even three! Next week, I'll have to amend that to he's barely three! But for now, not even three!

The other night we all sat in the kitchen as John cooked dinner. Aidan was sitting on the countertop next to me and was curious about what the spices were. I opened up a few and let him first smell and then taste them. It was a fantastic activity to do with him! Ellie got into it a little, but she just wanted to put everything in her mouth! Aidan wanted to know the name of everything, already an experimenter. I love his little personality. It's such bittersweet agony to watch him grow up so fast while I can't wait to see what he'll do next! Ah, kids.

re-reading the Successful Child

I've been going back over William and Martha Sears' the Successful Child, I'd forgotten what a valuable tool for parenting this is. This time along, I was driven to use a highlighter so I could more quickly access the really good parts when I want to reference them. This book focuses on one of my key desires from parenting theories: defining what the objective behavior and character in the grown child is (what is success) and laying out avenues for achieving that grown child. Sears' vision for a successful young adult is centered on compassion, a close attachment to family, and achievement in school and extracurricular activities. These line up well with my own values.

One part in particular that struck me reads:
"Parents who believe that an infant comes into the world programmed to control the parents (and there are books and parenting advisers that promote this idea) respond by trying to control the baby first. Remember, tiny infants cry to communicate, not manipulate. When parents don't respond to infants' cries because they're trying to show the baby who's boss, they cut off the communication right from the start. Everybody loses."

In a separate chapter, amid discussions on how to help siblings maintain a close bond, Sears recommends parents handle conflict by reminding the "children that they must respect one another's feelings--even when one is convinced that the other is completely wrong. It's hard to hate a person who understands and cares about how you feel...
Take time to talk about the feelings involved and the actions they produce. This is the first step toward a true negotiated settlement, not just a temporary, parent-imposed cease-fire."

When I read this I wanted to stand up and chear. It took me a good length of my life to discover the importance of respecting others (especially because they're so wrong! no, no, I learned, I grew. Really.) amid huge and principalled disagreements. Heck, American foreign policy would do well to read Sears. What Sears is offering here is a concrete way to transfer this value, through parenting, to your children. It's analogous to my no-sweets diet with which I insist on surrounding the kids. If I pound this in now, during the formative years, it will be part of the old-brain normal by the time they're adults.

new Japaname

Last year I rented Spirited Away for my family and my son was so enthralled that it began a long series of frequenting Japaname films for his enjoyment. Since then, I've discovered that Japaname is a fantastic genre that matches my parenting values far better than Disney, Pixar and the typical American kid films. Primarily, Japaname plots often feature female protagonists who virtually always manage to save their own day--relying on traditional Japanese cultural values like strong character, selflessness, respecting elders, finding physical grace through mental calm--without needing a man to save it for them.

Power Puff Girls are easy enough to find, and their Beat-Alls spoof on the Beatles makes a great introduction for parents and kids alike. Myazaki, who wrote and produced Spirited Away, also has two movies that are great for your kids even if they don't rival the masterpiece of Spirited Away: KiKi's Delivery Service and Castle in the Sky.

Here is a NYT piece about new Japaname coming out, too:

New Contender for the Anime Throne: "Japanese animation has its elder statesman, Hayao Miyazaki, 63, whose 'Spirited Away' won last year's Oscar for best animated feature.
And now a new generation is asserting itself, led by Satoshi Kon, 40, whose 'Millennium Actress' was released in the United States in September, and whose latest creation, 'Tokyo Godfathers,' opens on Friday."

please, please don't babywise

NORTH AMERICAN REPORT: Babywise Almost Dropped - Christianity Today Magazine: "In February, Multnomah commissioned editor Jeff Gerke to investigate long-standing allegations by parents, physicians, and church leaders that the book's advice to parents puts infants at risk of poor development. Gerke, who joined Multnomah's staff after Babywise had been published, edited several of Ezzo's other parenting books. Gerke concluded that Ezzo's materials were dangerous, based on his interviews with former Ezzo employees and medical professionals."


I first looked into Babywise last year after a friend said she'd chosen it for her parenting model. I was astonished at such a bad idea! It's primarily popular with the right wing Christian crowd, but lately even right wing christian leaders have spoken out against it:

Dobson was particularly critical of Ezzo’s use of scripture to support leaving a baby to cry: “Praise God,” wrote Ezzo, “that the Father did not intervene when His son cried out on the cross.”
Dr. Georgiana Rodiger, graduate of Fuller Theological Seminary (Evangelical) with an M.A. in theology and a Ph.D. in psychology writes, “I am appalled by the psychological and theological irresponsibility of the Ezzos.” The Ezzos are leading many families astray...”

negative parenting, un-trendy but effective

What do you think the positive reinforcement parenting version of "I'm going to send you to bed without eating if you play with your spoon again" would be?

This is the kind of question I ponder a lot. When you review parenting methods [semi] professionally, you're left pairing your own method against everything you review.

What would I call the method if my own parenting were to become one? The say it and mean it method. Or consistency like OCD in parenting method? I'm love centered, incorporate a lot of attachment parenting, but I am a hard-ass.

Positive reinforcement parenting is very good for the kid's brain. Studies have pretty much shown overwhelmingly that a young child's verbal capacity (read the best determinant for later intelligence scientists have found) is directly and inversely correlated to the number of times the kid hears "no" or similarly negative feedback. In other words, kids who don't hear no all the time have fantastic vocabularies.

However...

By telling my kids no all the time, I can take them to any restaurant in town, I can take them on 9-hour flights to Europe with 0 problems, basically, I can rely on them to be good in any situation from church to in-laws. Exposing your children to different experiences is also one of those amazing corollaries to intelligence. And I wouldn't be able to expose them to much if I was afraid they would embarrass me everywhere we went.

Like Johnny Cash, I try to walk the line. I say no as little as possible. But the best way to say no as little as possible is to mean it when I say it. I enforce on the first go, and I enforce in the nice voice, so I don't have to use the mean voice to mean it in a public setting. I don't rely on distraction as a correction device because I think that encourages bad behavior by inadvertently rewarding it with more attention. I try really hard to incorporate the one part of positive reinforcement parenting that I like: giving your kids a ton of reinforcement (attention) when he or she is good.

Seond-time Mother Shock

Lisa's and Baby Joe's birth inspired me to write an article, an ammendment of sorts, as an addition to an earlier article I'd titled First-time Mother Shock. Here is an exerpt:

Before the arrival of my daughter, my biggest fear was that I would not bond as closely with her as I had with my son at his birth. Nothing could have been more wrong. I bonded violently to her. Now comfortable with the mantle of motherhood, I gave in to every protective and doting urge, I held her and comforted her from the moment she emerged from my body. The difficulty, instead, was re-bonding with my son after bonding to my daughter.

Nothing has ever looked so strange as my son after my daughter’s birth. In my mind, he was still my baby, but seeing him after having a baby juxtaposed paradoxically the fact that he was gigantic with my memory of him as so small! The first time I changed his diaper after returning home, I stared for a few minutes at his foot thinking, my God, what a big foot! Later I nudged my husband and said, have you seen Aidan’s feet? And my husband confessed he was having as much difficulty conceiving of Aidan in his new identity as I was.

Compared to the fantastic bonding emotions I was feeling toward my daughter, my feelings for my son were a little pale. It frightened me, as nothing in parenting literature had prepared me for such an experience. What saved me was the presence of my parents, especially my dad whom Aidan adores, and who was able to lavish his every attention on Aidan so that he didn’t even notice mama’s estrangement. It gave me a few days to examine my feelings, and to be alone with Ella. I was able to localize my emotions to a few underlying feelings:
· I realized I was so protective of Ella, that even my time staring into her eyes felt threatened when Aidan needed my attention.
· I realized the difficulty I had seeing Aidan in his freakishly big state was based on the fact that now he was the big brother, and Ella was my baby.
· I realized that Aidan’s natural curiosity I was struggling to encourage so he could bond with his sister was causing anxiety for me because I was so afraid he would hurt her.

Taking time to isolate these realizations was the best thing I did, because then I was free to let myself off the guilty hook for experiencing natural instinctive emotions regarding my new baby. It shined light on the options available to me to reacquaint myself with my son. I was able to set goals for my reactions to situations, which released the anxiety I felt, and prevented me from setting Aidan up to have problems with his sister as he would have inevitably sensed my anxiety and connected it to the presence of his sister.

The other thing I did that helped us was discuss every emotion openly with my husband. He never made me feel guilty for them, he only offered suggestions for what he could do to help. After my parents left, around Ella’s fifth day out, the best thing John did to help was spend time with Aidan. He also was better equipped to spend time with the two children together. He would read with them both in his lap or cuddle with the two of them at once. This let me retreat to the corner and watch my new family together, which turned out to be the best thing for my brain: experiencing them as a unit, without the pressure to interact.

All the while, I worked to re-bond with Aidan just as I would advise another mother bond with her first time infant in the event of low bonding hormones. I gave him lots of skin on skin contact, through massaging him or cuddling with him, I smelled him a lot, I gazed into his beautiful eyes and smiled. I told him I loved him and assured him that was my number one guy.

Either my efforts or time, and likely a combination of the two together, resolved the problems I had adjusting to mothering my two kids. Within the first two weeks, Aidan had fallen in love with his sister right along with us, and just as I had discovered how much I loved watching my husband be a father when Aidan was born, I fell in love with Aidan all over again, too, this time as my child and a big brother.

Congratulations to Lisa and Baby Joseph

who was born at 9:45 in Boston! I'm so happy for the whole Cadence90 Clan. Lisa's poor husband is terribly sick with the flu, though, something we really sympathize with since John was sick with the stomach flu for Ella's second and third days. I still remember it, he was so disgustingly nauseous as I was trying to get out of the hospital, and as we drove up to the house my mom was trying to get John to pose for pictures of coming home and John could only throw the baby at my mom and dash inside to begin his two days o'puking! It was strange to have John sick for such an otherwise amazing time. It makes for a fun story now, but I know John would have preferred spending those days holding his newborn daughter.

Anyway, Lisa's asking for prayers, good vibrations, or whatever form of mental goodness you care to send their way.

the fog lifts!

Today is such a nice day, for the first time since Monday, the sun is shining and it's warm enough to really play outside (without coats). But the fog has lifted for another reason, too. For the first time since Monday my Ellie feels better. She's played so contentedly by herself this morning, that I was able to catch up on my writing. With my arms finally empty, I wrote three articles, 20 pages!

I'm so relieved her fever is gone. Two and a half days straight of 102 degrees is unsettling to say the least. I had given myself today as a deadline to take her to our pediatrician, Dr. Ho, if she wasn't better yet. I didn't want to be in the middle of the weekend with the only choices of no doctor or ER doctor if she got worse. But she's better!

MediaGuardian.co.uk | Broadcast | Multimillion dollar TV brand targets children worldwide

MediaGuardian.co.uk | Broadcast | Multimillion dollar TV brand targets children worldwide: "Fox Kids, the worldwide children's television brand launched by Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation, and ABC Cable Networks, which is run by Disney, unveiled a corporate revolution that will result in children in countries as far apart as Israel and Brazil feasting on an action-adventure diet of Power Rangers, X-Men, Spiderman and Inspector Gadget.
'Jetix will be among the most widely distributed television brands for kids around the world and a showcase for new and existing action-adventure programmes, including the new season of the best-known series in the genre, Power Rangers,' said Anne Sweeney, president of ABC Cable Networks Group and Disney Channel Worldwide. "

swiveling to Yo-Yo Ma

Poor Ellie is sick with some sort of virus. She has a runny nose and a spiky fever. Mostly, she just feels uncomfortable. She hasn't wanted to eat anything but breastmilk yesterday and today, so I just cuddle her and nurse her to try to help. Thank God we have TiVo now so I have some decent TV to watch while I nurse and cuddle her! When this all started, though, on Tuesday night, she didn't even want to nurse. For the first time ever, she cried inconsolably. She even started screaming! Btw, a quick blow of breath in her face when she'd begin that horrible scream stopped that pretty fast. Not even an offered breast soothed her. I told John I thought what she really needed was limbic stimulation to reduce stress hormones and soothe her just enough so that she could relax and fall asleep. We both moaned about having procrastinated so bad on the rocking chair. We have the rocking chair my mom rocked me in as a baby, but it's still disassembled from its refurbishing and transport to Houston. Then, John and I looked at each other and smiled. We had the perfect limbic stimulator!

A few months back we bought a swiveling office chair from Ikea because (it was really cute, and) I'd read how valuable swiveling (or constant limbic stimulation of that nature) can be to physical development in babies in Elise Eliot's What's Going on in There. Sure enough, a few weeks after we got it, Ellie finally made her first steps. I cuddled Ellie close despite her cries and started turning at an even pace. John put on Yo-Yo Ma's Bach concerto, one of Ellie's favorites, and within about three, maybe as many as five minutes our inconsolable sick baby was sleeping! It worked perfectly! I still want John to put together that rocking chair though...

more Christmas reviews from Robin

Speaking as a parent: January 2004 Archives: "The period just after Xmas brought home to me the problems of running an incentive-led household as opposed to a discipline-driven one. With Father Christmas's visit over and the big parental presents doled out there was an authority vacuum of alarming proportions. What to do when the good little chldn of Xmas Eve turn into the surly little brats of Boxing Day?
In the presence of such an abundance of toys and sweets I reckoned we needed to find another form of leverage so I decided to look for seasonal games on the net. Not with a view to playing them but rather to withholding them as a penalty for bad behaviour, as necessary. I found several sites with free games but then wished I hadn't when Jake deliberately behaved irreproachably in order to be able to spend hours shooting elves and reindeer playing Polar Cull 2."

the meaning of Christmas break

While I'm still pondering the whole Christmas thing, the meaning of Christmas break is at least clear. Today was Aidan's first day back to school, after being out for more than three weeks! I realized somewhere around mid-morning how easy one kid is, and how much I appreciate his little pre-school for giving me the opportunity to have that one kid feeling with my second kid. So I think the reason of the season here is teaching parents to appreciate all the days outside of the holiday break!

from Cadence90

Lisa is about to have her second baby today or tomorrow, I'm confused which. Here, she blogged what it was like taking her first baby to work the first time. Always happy to see new perspectives on working with babies...

Actually, I'm working on an article dedicated to the topic, so if you have personal experiences that might help, please share!

Study links kids, fast food, and weight

Welcome To Everyones Internet® | EV1.net -: "The highest levels of fast-food consumption were found in youngsters with higher household income levels, boys, older children, blacks and children living in the South. The lowest levels were found in youngsters living in the West, rural areas, Hispanics and those aged 4 to 8, but more than 20 percent of youngsters in each of those groups still reported eating fast food on any given day."

the responsibility chart

So this is week 2 using the responsibility chart. I think it's going well, but it's one of those things whose value I have to really sell to my son. This thing is set up like a grid with days of the week going down and responsibilities going across. It's a magnetic whiteboard and comes with a gigantic set of magnets with all sorts of cute pictures like stars, balloons, hearts, etc. and magnetic responsibility name plates to set as the jobs like stay dry, clean up your toys, share, no whining, help mom, help dad, and so on. There are about 20 to choose from, plus blank ones you can write on. The point is you pick five or six to put in the grid.

This is a particularly convenient model for us because Aidan's school follows Piaget-based curriculum, which focuses on key "jobs" each person is responsible for like nice touches and listening ears.

While Aidan does have the crucial development skill (he'll be 3 later this month) for the chart of understanding consequences (in toddler talk, he gets why and because), he's still very process oriented rather than our boring old adult way of thinking, goal oriented. So the biggest thing I've had to stress on this is why he wants to get stars, and how getting a bunch of stars will help him have things he really wants. Right now the things he covets most in life are riding his new scooter and putting his new tent up in his bedroom in which he can play camping, and even sleep in the sleeping bag sometimes (even though every night he's done it so far he gave up on sleeping in it and moved back to the bed within an hour of bedtime... go figure). To teach him to covet the prizes, and therefore positively motivate good behavior, I've made a big freaking deal of the stars and balloons, giving them for every good deed, and really talking up the finale award, then when he gets the giant award, I remind him all the while by saying silly parent things like, Aren't you glad you got so many stars so you could put your tent up? I think he's getting it...

SAAP joins in my quest

Speaking as a parent: "Jake spent most of the month telling anyone who cared to listen that Santa Claus didn't exist. Round about the 22nd he seemed to have a kind of deathbed conversion, after which he willingly conceded that SC was a busy man and probably did shop at Argos to save time, as we had explained last year. When he went to see Santa in a large shop on the 23rd he not only had his request ready but he sensibly accompanied it with a small note containing the Argos shop number and stock code to avoid confusion."


(Argos is like Target in the UK, I think)

go Houston docs!

BBC NEWS | Health | Chinese tea 'may cure jaundice': "A herbal tea used widely in China to treat jaundice could soon be used by doctors in the West.
Scientists in the United States have found that Yin Zhi Huang (YZH) can stop the build-up of a type of bile that causes the condition.
Writing in the Journal of Clinical Investigation, they said the tea could form the basis of new treatments.
Jaundice is common in newborn babies. If untreated it can lead to serious complications such as brain damage. "

humane rules or dumbing down kiddie leagues?

I hesitate to diss this guy's kids' school right now because I just asked him about his Christmas as below, but in reading through his blog I almost coughed up my frosty beer when I stumbled on this! The football (I think he means soccer, he's in the UK) program his 9-year-old is in is redesigning the rules so each team is only partially scored based on the actual goals they scored, and the remainder of the score is based on the amount of goals the coach thinks they should have scored. It's supposed to be more fair. Right.

I'm the person who wouldn't buy my son velcro shoes because I felt it was dumbing down his world too much. What's next? Raise them in padded rooms? Because that's the physical equivalent of this mental coddling. Part of the reason you put your kid in sports is so they'll learn about winning and losing, about better teams from richer districts or worse teams with bad collective genes. In the end, we parents hope it fosters critical thinking skills as well as navigation skills for the adult RW. To be honest, if my kid was having a problem because he lost all the time, I would sooner consider moving him to a better team!

rethinking Christmas

Ironically, John and I were just talking about needing to redefine the ways our family celebrates Christmas before next year as we walked. Then, today I was catching up on Robin's blog, Speaking as a Parent, who also pondered the holiday.

Speaking as a parent: "I don't like the idea of asking the chldn for wish lists. A careful parent will not ask a question of a child unless the answer is already known. I feel more inclined to give them a list of what I want them to have.
Simply to ask them to nominate an open ended list of junior consumer items seems a guaranteed way to generate either disappointment, broken promises or a short term cash flow crisis. I suppose it would be all right if they were banned from reading the Argos catalogue and watching television for the months of Nov and Dec, but the genie is already out of that particular bottle.
I would really like to imbue the season with a deeper meaning but it feels like I'm swimming upstream on this one. Trying to explain what pine trees and mince pies have to do with Palestine 1 AD has proved difficult. I was ready for questions like How can Father Christmass reindeer fly? (Why, magic, of course) but it's been questions like How many reindeer does Father Christmas's sleigh have? that have stumped me. "


I'll ask Robin on his site how things ended up. I could use some advice here. We were so grateful for all the presents our family got from our friends and family. But... I'm very aware of my power as a parent to shape the kids' impressions of Christmas for life, and the way that power will greatly diminish in about five or six years. This is my chance, now, to reshape things. I worry about the values celebrating with such abundance mistakenly imparts. I worry nearly equally about the danger of hurting the feelings of my relatives by asking them to curb their generosity. What to do?

the Feighery family's big day of urban adventures!

I first blogged it on the other blog. some posts I think I should publish in both places because they discuss subjects that cross the borders between personal without kids, and personal with kids... so here it is again:


This morning we got up and took the kids (on foot, except Ellie, who was backpacked in) downtown to catch the newly opened lightrail. We got off at Rice and walked the Rice walk/jog trail to the Village where we ate at Croissant Brioche. The train was so much fun! The city center was as busy as a workday, but instead of the sidewalks being filled with tight suits and serious faces, they were filled with excited faces, people who were proud of their city! Everywhere we went, this great energy just radiated. Well, maybe not everywhere. The Rice trail regulars were like, what? who let all these average people into my neighborhood?

The city itself feels so different, for one, it feels like a real city! But there's something else, I can't explain it. I'll have to spend the next week riding the rails and working on articulating this great new urban identity.

Aidan was a champion, he walked all the way both ways, nearly completely without whining. People kept complimenting him on walking like such a big boy. You can't take strollers on the trains anyway without folding them away, just one more reasons that strollers seem very un-new urbanist. We should teach our children to love walking as soon as they are able! And, chances are, they are able much sooner than you'd think. This past summer we made Aidan walk all over Europe's cities when he was only 2 years and 4 months, and he did great. We just had to be hard asses for a little while about it. We told him strollers are for babies like his little sister, not for big boys like him.

I digressed far. Now, I'm resting comfortably on the couch with a nice cold beer in our new frosty freezer beer mugs... Thanks, Jenny! Time for the playoffs!

trying more parents' blogs

I found mom-blog through a search, and I found Mom in the Mirror via mom-blog. Consider them temps for a bit.

Goodbye Fishyshark

It's a new year, and accordingly, I'm cleaning house in my blogs. On this blog there's not much of a change, on the other one I vow to finally complete the archival posting of the blog before blogger. The biggest change I'm making here is updating my blogroll. First up, or out rather, is Fishyshark.

First, some history. Fishyshark is a blog ("an expectant father's journal") started by Kosmo, aka Daily Kos, a fantastic political pundit and a true member of the bloggeratti. This year, Kos' wife Elisa became pregnant and Kos started a separate blog solely on the topic of his new life as an expectant father. It was pretty funny, sometimes crass but always witty.

Since little Ari was born, Kos has only written a few times and his posts reflect a descent into bitterness that I can't really sympathize with at all. First, Ari was beautiful, things were tough, but fatherhood was still great. Then, Ari was difficult because he couldn't be put down and wanted to nurse too often. These days, Ari is demanding, eats too much, cries too much, rewards them with smiles too rarely, and keeps them awake too many nights.

I don't know if Kos is being witty, or if he's just a bitter and unhappy person. Honestly, I don't think it bodes well for his marriage, much less his parenthood. I mean, life doesn't hang on the good times, but rather the tough ones. And at the end of those toughest of tough days, if you can't look at your kid or your partner or even your life and find (even if you have to reach really, really far for it) more good than bad to focus on, you're kind of up shit creek. Besides, having a new baby isn't so hard if you resign yourself to holding and loving on your baby constantly for a few weeks! I had Ella this year under very difficult circumstances, considering the space shuttle accident, but even then she was the joy in the hard time, not the hard time. Did I choose to look at it that way or was I lucky? Why is this guy so unhappy in fatherhood?

A blog can be whatever it wants, I don't mean to editorialize Kos. He's got so many fans and readers anyway that the loss of me is like a drop in the bucket. Dissing him on his turf would be flaming, which is wrong. But I do get to diss him here. I hate that he's adding to all those stereotypes I fight every day about our society's view of children. He's talking about his new son like a pain in the ass new employee, when we should be celebrating new life. I think a lot of people in our culture--probably him included--would be happier, more peaceful if their parents had loved them more, held them longer. I see what simple touch and massage does to reduce my own children's stress. I see people around me everywhere missing out on the great connection I have with my kids, simply because they didn't know they could give more of their hearts to their kids, and the results are far reaching from not being able to go out to restaurants, to crying all night. It's so sad!

I guess it comes down to this. Snide and crass make for better political punditry than parenting. I'm taking Fishyshark off my blog roll today. I still strive to link to more parenting blogs, I think it's a needed genre in our society. I might be experimenting a lot, so don't be surprised to see changes. Today I'll kick it off with Like a Baby, a blog kept by a Canadian mother of an adorable little girl named Chloe, who is probably still sleeping it off from her raucous New Year's party (drinking's a good sign!). Here's hoping...